#My depressed ass does not believe in looking on the bright side to fix real problems

[pedulum-chronometry]

You misunderstand.

Of course life is a scam. You get too little. You have too little control. It can be over far too quickly. Inequality is fact rather than idea. You must scrape and whiteknuckle it to get through. But what do you do with that information?

Will you dedicate yourself to fixing what unfairness you can? Will you channel your large and roiling feelings about it into art? Or will you spend what time you have cherishing the family (found or otherwise) and friends that you managed to find in this life?

What you choose to spend your time and energy on in this inherently unfair and brutal world is what gives meaning and weight to life.

Of course life’s a scam but that just means you get to scam life right back.

A scam, by definition, is about taking something from you without giving you enough in return or anything at all. So take stuff back or stop giving it so much.

Don’t want to adhere to some expectation or norm? Going to college, having kids, dressing normally, sleeping at night and being awake during the day? Then don’t. Fuck that shit!

Dress in period clothing when going grocery shopping. Get a night job. Adopt pets or plants.

Honestly one of the best things for my mental health was figuring out what made me happy and unapologetically pursuing that.

Find what things you can that bring you joy and pursue them. Chase that happy. It won’t fix everything but in an unfair world you’ve got to take what you can get with two hands and drop whatever doesn’t work for you. If you’re already here and don’t have much of a choice, you might as well enjoy the ride a bit more.

I think life is a scam, actually.

[mandakatt]

Devil May Cry Fic - Inner Demons - Jackpot

A/N: This one took me awhile...probably cause I’ve been lost in a few other fandoms for awhile. XD Oops! Sorry Dante! 

Characters: Dante x Gender Neutral Reader  Warnings: Open Relationship/Polyship Implied, Negative and Self-depreciating thoughts, Depression Word Count: 1712 Summary: Dante knew that your mood had been very...low, as of late.

He hated the fact that the light in your eyes wasn't as bright as it used to be, and he wasn't sure if it was something he'd done, or someone else had, but dammit, he knew he had to try to fix it.

Spontaneous dates are good for that right?

If you had asked Dante to pick one of the things from his romantic relationship he loved the most--beyond movie and pizza night which was and will always be number one--was the fact that he could be completely and entirely spontaneous with you. 

He knew that he could count on you to just roll with whatever he suddenly had planned and it would entirely make his day. And yes, there were those times where you'd groan and roll your eyes at him but you always did it with a teasing smile, and god, he wanted to kiss that smile off your lips and make you absolutely breathless. 

Then again, kissing you breathless was always fun cause he loved that glazed happy look you always got afterwards…but with the way your mood had been the last few days, he wasn’t sure if kissing you breathless would make it better.

Well...okay. That wasn’t entirely true. 

He knew that kissing you breathless was an excellent way of distracting you. It was a great way, in his opinion, to get your mind off things that he loved doing, but he just wasn’t sure that was the exact thing you needed right now. So, instead he walked quietly alongside you, smiling softly each time you looked at him, and he couldn't help but laugh as you rolled your eyes. He knew that you knew he was up to something, and though you acted indifferent to it all he caught that smile that was forcing the corner of your mouth upwards. 

“Wanna tell me where we’re going?”

“Why would I do that when that just ruins the surprise?” Dante said with a grin at the skeptical look you gave him before he guided you into a small coffee shop, ordered your favorite, and paid for it. With real money. The look on your face was priceless and he couldn’t help himself as he burst out laughing as he gently placed his hand on the small of your back to lead you back outside. A few moments later he heard you give off a soft, almost self-deprecating sigh, it was  a noise he was used to hearing from you when you got lost in your head, so to bring you out of it he gently moved his hand to yours, and gave it a squeeze. 

Only to then be surprised by you when you gently pulled him to a stop.

“Dante, what is this all about?”

“What? I can’t take you out on a date ‘cause I wanna?”

“You never just want to though, there’s always something attached to it, or there’s a bill collector breathing hard on the back of your neck...”

“Well, this time I promise you it isn’t ‘cause of something like that,” Dante gently rubbed his thumb against your hand. “It’s ‘cause I know something is bugging you..” 

“Ah.. I wondered if that’s what this sudden ‘date’ was about…” 

Dante sighed as he moved just a step closer as you looked down at your feet. “Look, I just wanted to do something to try to lighten your mood a little. You’ve been working so damned hard for all of us lately, I figured I’d simply show you how much I--we appreciate you lately.” 

When you sighed again and kept your eyes on your feet he clicked his tongue and gently placed his finger under your chin to lift your face. When he finally could see your eyes he gave you a cheeky wink, and that signature lopsided grin.

“You know, my eyes are up here Sweetheart...” 

“Ugh,” you groaned but there was a hint of a smile on your lips and a little laughter in your voice. “Could you not?”

“Nah, no can do. It’s all part of the big, charming package that is yours truly." Dante gestured to himself with a bit of a flourish and a huge teasing grin. He watched you roll your eyes at him before you sighed quietly and looked back at the ground and a slight frown pulled his lips downward. He could see you getting lost in your head, and to stop you from staying there too long he simply reached out and took your hand again, gently petting his thumb against the back of it. 

"I'm sorry…" you groaned. 

"What for?" 

"Just…I don't know. For just being me?"

"You uh, wanna tell me what you mean by that?" Dante asked softly as you sighed deeply and looked back down at your feet. He let you collect yourself a moment before he gave your hand a squeeze. 

"For being someone that holds you back...?"

He could tell by the way you groaned and looked back down at your feet that he looked confused, but he was glad to hear you continue. 

"You could do so much better than me. Both with someone in looks and…I dunno. Maybe someone that could do more than just take care of the books in the shop. Someone that could fight at your side instead. Someone--" 

"Hey," Dante cut you off as he brought his hands up to cup your face, gently petting his thumbs against your skin. He smiled a little when you tried to pull away but stopped yourself. “You do know that there’s no one else out there like you, right?”

“Dante--”

“No, I mean it,” he then stepped just a little closer to you, part of his mouth turning up with a bit of a smile. “God, you’ve got no idea what you do to me, or the rest of us do you? How amazing it feels when it’s your body pressed up against mine. Shit. There's so many days I know I’ve had to take care of a few issues before coming back to the shop just because you were running around in my mind, while I was out on a job.”

Huffing out a soft laugh you gently shook your head. “Dante--”

“Hey, C’mere a sec,” and Dante gently pulled you closer by placing a hand on the back of your head to draw you to his chest. He smiled as he gently pressed his nose against the top of your head when your ear went right over his heart. “...I’m sure you can hear how loud it is right?”

Blinking a moment in surprise you remained where you were, then gently nodded. 

“Now…touch me.”

You snorted softly. “Dante--”

Laughing, he kissed the top of your head. “Not like that sunshine--well not yet anyway, but just humor me. Here--” and he gently grasped your free hand and placed your palm against his chest. He smiled when he felt you tense when his heart rate sped up. “--you are the reason it does that, y’know. It wants you, it has wanted you since I met you if I’m gonna be honest. And it doesn’t have a damned thing to do with how good you look. It doesn’t have a damned thing to do with how strong you are. It only cares about you, the fact that you love me, and the rest of us. The fact that I know you’re scared each time for me that I go out on a job...and honestly, that makes you stronger than me.”

“Huh?” you drew back from him, looking up at him confused. 

“Sunshine, if you did my job...I don’t think I could let you go out the door. The idea of losing you scares the fuck out of me,” he reached up to gently brush the back of his knuckles against your cheek. “You’re stronger than me because you let me go each time, with only the hope that I’ll come back.”

“You…you promised me you’d come back and I believe that.”

“Good, then believe that I’m always going to be here. Right here. At your side where I want to be because of one reason.”

“And what reason is that?” you asked timidly, your voice soft as he felt you gently press your cheek into his hand as he cupped your face again.

“Because, I love you.” Dante said with a sigh as he leaned to rest his forehead gently against yours. “I love you. Not because of your looks or your brains--well okay, maybe your brains. ‘Cause you’ve gotten most of the bill collectors off my ass but that’s beside the point...”

You laughed softly and closed your eyes a little. “That’s called actually paying your bills Dante.”

“Wow, what a concept!” he laughed softly before lifting his head enough to gently kiss your forehead. “It’s something I would have never thought of!”

“Apparently…” he heard you huff out another laugh then move your head away from his chest, and before you got too far he leaned in and kissed you silent. He felt you tense for a brief moment then practically melt into that kiss as he put all of his feelings for you into it, and he felt damned proud when the kiss broke and you chased after him a little.

“God, I love doing that…” Dante laughed as he brought you close to his chest again once more nosing into your hair with a sigh. “Now then, how about we finish this date I got planned with you, and we head home and just snuggle on the couch for a while?”

“How about--” you began with a sigh as he finally watched you shake off that slightly dazed look on your face and smile. “--we just skip right to the snuggling on the couch and we get pizza and watch movies instead?”

“Did I happen to tell you I love you? Cause god do I love you.”

Hearing you laugh softly as Dante took your hand and started to lead you back toward Devil May Cry he was content with how you fell in stride next to him and loved how the light returned in your eyes when you mentioned watching some sort of cheesy action flick and what kind of pizza the two of you should order.

He knew that your inner demons were something that you had to fight mostly on your own, but being a Devil Hunter and demon slayer himself...he’d do whatever he could to remind you that he was there to help you fight them every step of the way.

[azureparanoia]

[THE PAINFUL LIFE OF A DELUSIONAL GIRL AT CROSSROADS OF AESTHETICS]

           They say imagination is one of the greatest gifts a human can receive from the God and like every blessing it is nothing but a double edge sword. The whimsical nature of what modern day youths love to abuse, an artist, is a gift of sorts. Do you feel an artist just because you create something? Or are you one simply because you jump off the border of mundane normality? Who is to judge if you are an artist or can you even claim to be one? What is the line between an artist and a decent human normie? Some of those questions hunted me since I was very young. Feeling some kind of disjunction from the rest of my peers, from the adults and youngers I walked fairly boring path of what I wish to become. I drew a lot, I wrote even more and in the feeling of being unusual, I found myself wondering is me feeling different so unique.

           Nowadays when what once was minority and unusualness is what’s hyped and mainstream hurts to those who walked down that road for many years before it became popular. For instance, I am great believer and lover of 90s aesthetics, some modernised touch to it is not bad, but rather than parroting Pinterest, I chose the bits and parts of actual 90s I grew up in and incorporate it into my own image. Funny enough, the conscious choices I make over my own style would be called something along the lines of cowardice and indecisiveness. Because I don’t fully dive into the kitsch of those completely misunderstood years of my youth. In my attempt to redefine myself by the means of picking bits and pieces of certain aesthetics, I am called fake by the mases who cannot come up with their own original approach and only follow the trends blindly.

           Does that mean I am unique? Perhaps, but perhaps also this lack of commitment as it can be identified from bystanders’ point of view is what specifies what kind of aesthetics I crave to create with my own looks. Am I boring? Quite frankly yes, I might not have full confidence due to lack of appropriate figure and perhaps I do hold back in those attempts to showcase my own style. However, for one reason or another, I would rather hold back and slowly discover myself and the road I decide to take rather than blindly and with no understanding follow masses. It is much nicer for my eyes to see more grunge or old school designs all around, sadly, knowing the modern society I feel like these have no deeper meaning behind it and it is nothing but façade to match up with the background.

           How does it correspond to arts? I have been writing for about 20 years now, I took breaks more often than created, leave alone published something and by publish, I mean online of course. I hated and still hate all of my work, but gaining slightly more confidence, or simply learning to care less, I chose to share with the world how much of a crap I can create. I, by no means, am not an artist although I do share one’s extremely self-satisfactory and needy attitude towards life. In short, I need people to see my creation and whether they crave more of it or reject it completely, I simply cannot stop. It also corresponds to me writing whenever I feel like it, not when I see demand for it. The gift to move someone with my own words is undoubtfully a fruitless dream that even massive authors struggle with. Just because your text sells, does not mean you are worth the title and just because you’re unknown to anyone does not mean you cannot hold one.

           In the end, it comes down to how you wish to express yourself or more like, how you want to be seen by others. For me calling myself an artist would be nothing but pretentious flex, I would rather avoid. Then again, being faced with it and denying it would also make me sound pompous or even ego centrical, fishing for those “Oh no, you’re so talented” compliments. In either of those scenarios, I would not feel myself to be myself but something that my image demands of me. Then again, what am I even? That is something I still fail to define and with every line of each hated piece I create, I wonder. Writing, reading, writing more, rereading, editing, fixing, deleting, adding, moving on, going back, writing, reading, rewriting and so forth. My life contains of boring daily routines and those writer spikes that hit me like a fucking bolt form a blue, when I cannot live, breath or even function if I do not put those words down. Just like right now, I know it will flop and no one will pay attention to it, but oh damn, I could have not done it differently. This is what you could consider “an artist attitude”, while although it sounds all nice and edgy which I would love to go for, the very same edgy and stubborn attitude I showcase would never allow me to admit it.

           Do I feel like an artist? Hell no. But would I love to be in position when I can openly say I am one? Definitely no. Thus, at the same time wanting to be something different than the rest of the masses and desire to keep this image I have craved into my skin over the years is making me unable to define myself still being very strict at how I want to express myself. At this point my toaster brains are already shredded into pieces of unreadable scrawls flying on the soft breeze of an easy choices I wish I was bright enough to make. This is just a pure ridiculousness of modern times. When I was younger because being different wasn’t cool or anything, I felt like fish in the water of my own loneliness and by no means it was a happy life, but I felt confident in what I was. Now, when it’s so popular to have depression, be sad bean that likes nerdy things, my emo side kicks in and almost screams that I cannot be like that anymore.

           When I was growing up and slowly discovered my sexuality, not going one-way ticket only, but being totally interested in anyone that was human, despite genders, ages etc, was hell’s porch, because if felt like I was not supposed to be like this. Strangely enough, I felt better about it then as it worked well with my selfish self-proclaimed uniqueness rather than now when it is just as popular as watching anime. And I am not saying there is anything wrong about it, I just do not feel included in those openly open minor groups that are no longer minorities and stormed the social medias with their colourfulness. I no longer feel confident in my own skin, because of how something which once was so unusual you can now see around every corner. I feel like I’ve been stripped of my own integrity because of how popular pro-LGBTQ+ is right now and I watch those young people and whenever I wish to be happy with them over their pride and courage at the back of my head I keep wondering “Are you for real or is it just because it’s popular now?”

           And here I sit alone in my room, completely hopeless, as I not only no longer have what defined me as unique human being, but also don’t feel welcomed into the minority I should feel so connected to. Because I’m not colourful enough? Because I’m not over the top enough? Because I’m too normal? I am just a boring girl, living my life, not hiding anymore in the closet, but not screaming at the world with “I AM BISEXUAL, HAIL TO MY UNIQUENESS!”. That way, I do not feel either part of stereotypical heterosexual society, nor part of the new rainbow movement. I feel like I am standing between those two fractions with no place of my own. I still remember that Queer was supposed to be “we do not label anyone”, but it’s the most labelling shit ever from my perspective as it completely cuts out people like myself. For instance, I am bisexual, but I do not feel queer because of how it is advocated.

Finally, I realise that I am not part of anything. I am not an artist, because claiming so would mess up my image and I’m not that talented either. I do not feel part of LGBTQ+ community because I am too normal for this. I do not feel part of geeks or nerds because I do not find all geeky/nerdy shit that interesting. If I think about it from outsider’s perspective, I could say that sure makes me quite unique in comparison to modern time young adults, but does it? Just like with my style, I chose bits and pieces of minorities and majorities that suit me and feel right with my aesthetics, but does that mean I am different or does it mean I am just fake and half-assed at everything? I will never know, but there is something both tormenting and fun about this crossroads I stand at and perhaps one day I will choose one way, one mass to follow or just sit here alone and watch it all burn. This is fine.

[realitiesinpurple]

Entry #1

It’s ridiculous how uneasy I feel writing here again. I have to convince myself this is just a medium, it has no power over me, and all the negative feelings I used to have won’t come back to the surface just because they’re attached to memories of Tumblr.

Because I used to have a Tumblr, I used to have several actually, and used to be here all the time, everyday. It consumed me.

I grew here, healed wounds, understood the world and met myself for the first time in what felt like centuries. I was still a child, and I grew up with the belief each and every one of us seem to have: I am special.

And the truth is that, yes, we are special. All of us. We’re unique and similar in so many ways. We’ve all been broken and judged. We are valid.

I think, in many ways, Tumblr, or the community at least, made me feel like I belonged. Like I wasn’t as messed up as everyone had me believe. But I crossed a line here as well, which is why I left: I allowed myself to believe I couldn’t be held accountable for my misfortunes.

Because it’s so easy to blame that one friend who betrayed you, or the dad that abandoned you, or the boy who broke your heart. It was really comforting to come here and have others validate my victim-hood and tell me that it was okay to continue to self destruct instead of grow up. It was also really easy to ignore those who told me I did, indeed, need to grow up, because a stranger on the internet agreed with me, so I must be right. But if someone criticized me, I was being oppressed, and they didn’t understand because they had never walked a day in my shoes.

And to be completely fair, I needed that. I needed to hate the world to stop hating myself. Sometimes, I still do, because, again, it’s so easy. You see, seeing the bright side is hard. Getting up every day being grateful that you’re alive is hard. But it does get easier with practice.

Before Tumblr, I was under the belief that I was not worthy of love. That all the bad things in my life were my fault and that I sometimes did not even deserve to be alive. My little sister is the age I was when I used to have these thoughts, and the thought of someone so young feeling this way breaks my heart. I look back at my younger self and I want to promise her everything is going to be okay (spoiler alert: everything turns out fine, and she’s happy!). But I suppose, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t been that person to begin with. That sad little girl in too much pain for her little body to handle.

Then Tumblr came along and I was... I was real. I don’t know how to explain it, but meeting all of you, reading your stories, watching your shows, laughing at your jokes... I felt alive. Better yet, I felt worthy of being alive. And it wasn’t instantaneous. It took me a while to get there, and look at myself in the mirror and realize I was beautiful. It took some convincing to realize it’s okay to like girls AND boys?? My mind was blown. 

But you see, I still had a lot of hatred and a lot of pain and a lot of bitterness. And I had to forbid myself from hating myself if I wanted to survive. So instead I hated all the people who had contributed to my pain. And the people who had contributed to other people’s pain! I had so much hate to share with the world, I bullied complete strangers because they had somehow hurt my friend’s feelings, instead of letting my friend fight her own battles.

And when someone was depressed, like I was, instead of encouraging them to fight through it, to get better, I approved of their self destruction. Sleep deprivation and unhealthy habits were just coping mechanisms, right? It’s funny because we’re all depressed here! Haha!

Because admitting they needed help meant I needed to admit... I needed help.

It was so much better to romanticize the toxicity I shared with the world. Forgiveness and love were weakness. Punching your way through life was the right way to go.

And don’t get me wrong, I needed to punch as hard as I could. I had no agency in my life and I needed to feel something, and if it was anger and resentment, so be it. It was better than being numb or depressed.

But then I grew up. I know, shocking. Suddenly I was an adult. I still can’t believe it. I had to leave Tumblr when I realized not only was I surrounding myself with toxic people. I was a toxic person.

No longer was this a place to empower myself. It was a place to excuse my behavior. It was an open door to hate.

And to be completely honest with y’all, hate is exhausting! No wonder I was tired all the time!

And yes, I still have depression, I’m not neurotypical at all lol

But I’m better. I’m not 100% and I’m not earning gold medals for being the greatest human to ever live. But I apologize when I mess up and I try not to mess up. I’ve found “judgy” friends who call me out on my bullshit and I love them so much for taking care of me in such a sassy way instead of telling me the world needs to revolve around me.

I’ve realized love is not something to be disgusted at or to fear and it’s honestly not as scary as I thought it could be.

I realized I can be funny without hurting others in the process. And that sometimes it’s okay to be a little “offensive”, too. (Yes, little sister, you are correct in saying you shouldn’t have bleached your hair and I’m not gonna tiptoe around the subject trying not to hurt your feelings. If you don’t like it, find a way to fix it. And I agree, I don’t like it neither!)

I also learned that after having a really negative experience with one religion, later becoming a stubborn atheist, and slowly starting to become a little more spiritual, it’s really not that silly to believe in something you can’t see if it makes you happy and helps you get through your day.

I learned to tell the difference between needing a mental health day and being lazy. Yes, I still take mental health days! But I also work my ass off on days when I have the potential to have high energy. I force myself to do one dish and end up cleaning the whole house and feel so proud of myself! But I don’t belittle myself when I can’t get out of bed, because I know that if I really can’t get out of bed, I need to stay in bed and recover, so the next day I can get shit done.

Also I flirt now, which is weird/new. Sometimes just for fun, sometimes with a purpose. Sometimes I flirt with myself, which I highly recommend everyone do because it is incredibly empowering!

I pay my bills on time and I treat myself without feeling guilty. Though to be completely honest with you, I was blessed with a job that I love, that pays me more than enough and rewards my hard work and competitiveness, so I’m always making extra when I earn it. But I know when to stop taking those extra shifts to have a family day, or go out, or simply lie in bed and read. Yes, I don’t have it as hard as most of you. But if I look back at 3 years ago, I was begging for Paypal donations just to survive. So I have to say, it does get better.

I live in an apartment I could have never even dreamed of, and it’s still a little empty, but I get excited over the smallest things. Like getting a new dish rack! Or new purple towels!

And against all odds, I’m actually happy going back where it all started. I visit my family and I tell them that I love them, but I don’t let them hurt me anymore.

I say no when I need to. And encourage myself to say yes to trying new things.

I wear colors now, even if they don’t match, and I wear sneakers on high heel days. I follow a skincare routine, even though I was one of those girls who would judge and envy girls with skincare routines. And I’m trying to eat healthier.

I lost weight and I cook now. I sing at the top of my lungs to the great disappointment of my next door neighbor. And I dance in my underwear even though my other neighbors can see me from the building across the balcony (I still haven’t bought curtains). Seriously, no regrets.

So, Victoria, you may ask, now that you’re doing better, why are you back? Nostalgia? Regret? To rub your stupid happiness in our faces?

To be completely honest, I’m here because it’s where I have to be. It was part of my journey all along. And I owe it to my younger self.

Do y’all remember that famous post about that person saying that when everything was okay, they would bake a cherry pie? And then they posted a photo of the cherry pie?

This is my cherry pie, I guess. This is me telling myself and any of you who may feel the way I used to, that it gets better. And I know younger me used to get so tired of hearing it. “Believe in yourself! It gets better! You’ll get there!” And it sounded like the biggest bullshit in the whole world. I had never actually met anyone who got better, to be honest. All the people who were saying it gets better were people who were just as depressed or worse than I was. We were all just trying to convince each other to believe in something none of us believed in.

Well, you know what? I’m glad you guys told me it would get better. I’m glad you pushed and pushed until I believed it. Because it’s the friggin truth. I’m the living proof that it gets better. And the more you believe that you can somehow tell the universe that you are ready to get better, to be better, to feel better, and that the universe will listen, the more it listens. I kid you not.

And I’m not even done getting better. I’m just getting started...

[coffee-for-himchan]

Hadn’t She Told You? (Zelo Hospital AU)

Requested by: a lovely anon

Word count: 7 k+

Genre/warnings: fluff, hurt and comfort. Involves medical conditions of main characters such as broken bones and cancer, so in case uncomfortable with reading such content, reading something else is advised.

Summary: Since the first time he saw her around the hospital, he figured he wanted to strike up conversation. And ever since it turned out she felt the same, things seemed to head into the right direction. That is, until he found out a detail she had never told him about before - like the fact she had a diagnosis with a rather scary name, though it didn’t scare her at all. What frightened her instead was the fact she thought he might leave if he ever found out.

(A/N) In full honesty, I had a hard time approaching this subject at first. I also felt like adding an author’s note because I wanted to say something, but am quite lost in my own words currently. To anyone out there who might be facing any health-related issues, I genuinely wish you all the best and hope everything will eventually turn out fine. 

"It really does look a lot better than last week, Mr.Choi," the doctor adjusted his glasses, looking down at his papers once more before staring back at Junhong who seemed to be just a little bit less excited about the news than he should probably be, "Still, at least another two or so weeks of bed rest and additional tests and treatments are required for a full recovery. I know that you are required to be back on track as soon as possible, but upon request you were advised to do a definite, full course of treatment before joining your schedules again. We could always rush the process and all, but I really would not want any possible complications to occur, so the decision to keep you here for a little longer was made. It's for the better."

The doctor hadn't even managed to properly leave the room yet as a familiar head popped out of the doorway. The squint that was directed at Junhong made him smile a little, and as his youngest hyung entered the room, Junhong scooted a little bit closer to the edge of the bed, offering some space for him to sit down on.

"I heard him say two weeks," Jongup said quietly as he sat down, looking at Junhong with concerned eyes, "They're not gonna like it."

"As if they ever like when any of us have issues," Junhong chuckled back a little, looking out the window, "As if they ever care for real. Even now, if it wouldn't be for the public and their frustration about the announcement I'd be joining the next fanmeeting despite my injuries, I wouldn't be here. I'd be out there, doing schedules, no matter if it hurts or not."

It was spring already, and the blossoming leafs, the dim, faded sun and the creatures coming back to life were the only things making his days a little more beautiful and bright now that he was in hospital. His stare stayed directed at the very corner of the window, where the sun poked through branches subtly to greet him with it’s shine. Out of all hospitals, he was lucky to have been brought to this one, as it was more on the small side, and even resembled some type of pretty resort due to it's beautiful surroundings and the overall quiet atmosphere.

"Don't pay attention to it," Jongup made him look back at him, sounding all too serious to be in his normal spirit, "Yongguk hyung already gave a piece of his mind about the situation in public, earning like a wave of agreement that you should rest. I know you were excited for the comeback and all, but believe me. Recovering is more important than pushing yourself and getting to a possible breakdown afterwards. Take your time. We understand, and so do babyz, so does the rest really matter?"

Jongup really went out there, making Junhong's heart feel a little lighter about the situation. He smiled at his hyung again, and without any further conversation, started reaching for his crutches that were leaned against the side table.

"Junhong-ah, what are you doing-"

"The weather's so pretty today," Junhong said happily, already scooting even closer to the edge of the bed to get off, "You won't make me stay here all day, will you?"

It was when he said his farewells to Jongup that day that he noticed her again. Walking a little further in the distance, her profile of a goddess peaking out from between the branches of some bushes as she passed by them, her feet producing a light tapping sound against the cracked asphalt. Jongup was still shedding some last reassuring words, saying that Yongguk had promised to hop by tomorrow while Himchan had stated that he'll come around whenever his additional schedules wouldn't be that tight. Junhong managed to do as much as say his grateful goodbyes in reply, and watch Jongup leaving quietly as he himself leaned back on his crutches and stumbled down the same path beauty itself had walked down just a second earlier right after.

He had seen her around every now and then since he got here a week ago, after the most unfortunate night he’d had in his life so far. It felt quite crazy to him, to know he had been in hospital for a quarter of a month already, but that's what he got for thinking it was a good idea to go and drive around the streets of Seoul mid-night when he couldn’t fall asleep. He really couldn't have guessed that he'd get into a car crash with a drunk driver then and there, and would get himself into such issues because of simply wanting to be alone for one night.

But all he could recall now was the burning pain he felt in every single one of his bones when he lied all cramped up, thrown over the steering wheel of his beyond damaged car after the impact with the other vehicle. The flashing ambulance lights and the paramedics freeing him from the painful state just for him to realize he was in even more pain when moved around. The doctors and nurses rolling him off to get him stitched up in operation rooms. The whole of B.A.P basically throwing themselves at him once he was all fixed and doing all simultaneously - scolding him for getting in such a situation, promising to never ever leave him alone and unattended anymore, and saying how thankful they were than he was alright after all of that. His family was doing the same to him next thing he knew, and he didn’t even mind - he knew he deserved all the scolding, and was grateful for all the love. 

But it was all just a memory now, and the only evidence left was his nastily broken leg that was bandaged up in tons of layers, with the bone having been cracked and split in various places vertically instead of horizontally, and the few stitches up his side that, thankfully, didn't hide an all too dark truth behind them - he indeed looked quite miserable on spot back then, but upon inspecting the wounds, it was thankfully announced that no life-threatening injuries were caused.

He was quite lucky, actually. It could have gone worse.

As he was remembering all of this now, he barely noticed as she took a turn to the left, seemingly heading to the quieter part of the hospital territory. He tried to stay silent and fell back a little, as if not wanting to disturb her. As if not wanting her to see him, since he thought he couldn't just walk up to her and say something crazy.

Something like "So, hey. I have actually been quite depressed about getting into a car crash days prior to my group's comeback, and getting shit from my company didn't help at all. But your pretty face and the way you were always quietly walking around and helping people whenever I looked out the window did help a lot. So did that one time when my incompetent ass had the crutches out of reach, and you were observant enough to notice that I was struggling and kind and caring enough to pass them to me accompanied with a subtle smile. You got me intrigued."

His mind also lingered at her that evening when he was lying in bed and browsing through his phone again, as he oftentimes did now at free times. Yongguk had texted, saying the time of his next day's visit, and after responding, Junhong simply put his phone down on his stomach, crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.

Two more weeks. Two more weeks, and he'd be out of here. He knew more than well that those two weeks he had to still stay here weren't only because of his weirdly broken leg and his still mildly aching side - they were a story made up so that he wouldn’t feel bad and wouldn’t try to join schedules again as soon as possible, since the guys wanted him to properly recover first. They knew what was best for him, and that was resting. 

The moonlight crept through the windows, and it attracted his attention. The shine was quite pretty, and his mind told him it would be a nice sight to witness while being a bit closer to the window. So, somehow stumbling to the desired desalination, he cracked the window open before sitting down on the sill and staring out, as well as wishing his room would've been located on a higher floor than the first, a bit closer to the source of light.

He saw something moving in the shadows not far away, and his eyes subtly followed the silhouette that was walking past. And, upon realizing who it was, his heart started beating just a little faster.

She was a little surprised to see a guy sitting on a window sill and just staring off somewhere the way he was, but as their eyes locked, she saw he had a lot on his heart and mind. And, despite any assumptions she had, as she'd been seeing him around here in the last week or so and he had always looked like a lovable dork, it was undeniable. Something was burdening his heart, and it could be seen in his sad eyes.

It was a start. A smile at each other, and a wave of his hand that she returned. A way to say that "Hey, I know we both ended up here for different yet probably unfortunate reasons. But you seem sad, and so do I, so maybe, just maybe, we could brighten each other's days a little."

"So, who is she?"

Was he being a creep? Hell, he hoped the kid he'd just casually struck up conversation with didn't think that way, though she didn't seem concerned about Junhong's presence at all, as to her, he probably resembled something among the lines of a kind giant. She was a lovely girl about the age of ten, her hair in two ponytails as she leaned back indefinitely to look at his face.

"A friend," she said, her walk much slower than it was before. He was still on his crutches after all, his movements rather slow and limited, so she showed some understanding and slowed her bouncy walk already a while ago, ever since Junhong saw her conversing, laughing and even hugging with the mysterious girl he'd been trying to chase since he got here before walking off and, well.. Bumping into himaccidentally.

"She is the best roommate I could imagine," the girl said in a happy manner, walking on the thin line that separated the grass from the pavement, "All the nurses are her old friends, even old Mrs. Kang who, in my opinion, doesn’t even remember how to smile, and so is everyone who ever got to know her! God, I want to be like her so much, she is so nice as a person-"

Something darkened in her face all of a sudden, but Junhong barely noticed, still completely mesmerized by the way the little girl talked about her. Though when he finally did, he furrowed his brows and decided to ask her about it.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, I just remembered something!" she said frantically, her head snapping back and looking at the place she just came from, "I completely forgot that I took my kite out, since today looked promising enough to go and fly it! Oh god, I must've left it somewhere."

"No worries," Junhong was glad there wasn't an issue bigger than a simple kite, "Let's walk back to find it. I’m sure it’s still there."

"Are you sure I'm not disturbing you, mister?"

"Junhong. Just call me Junhong, "mister" sounds like I'm hella old already," he chuckled, and saw her face showing a little relief alongside amusement, "And honestly? I have absolutely nothing to do. Like nada. No plans and no ways to spend my free time. So I'd be glad to help."

Halfways through their walk back, a voice he recognized only faintly rang through the air.

"Jaeeun!"

He saw her in the distance, smiling and jogging over to them. Kite in hand and an eyes sparkling with happiness, or so it seemed.

"There it is!" Jaeeun happily received her missing item, smiling at the retriever of it, "You indeed are the best!"

Both girls smiled at each other before Jaeeun seemingly remembered about Junhong's existence, and upon turning to him, told him with a smile.

"See, Junhong? That's why I want to be like her. She is the absolute best."

"Oh shush, stop telling lies," her smile widened and her cheeks tinted a light shade of pink, which seemed adorable to him, "And remember that you have an appointment at three. Half an hour left, so I'd advise you to go and get ready."

"Okay, I guess you're right," Jaeeun admitted more to herself than anyone else, and next thing he knew, Junhong was left alone with her as Jaeeun ran off into the distance, thanking her one last time for finding the kite before vanishing.

"So, Junhong, huh?"

"I mean, what was I supposed to do? She kept calling me "mister" and I'm not ready to feel that old just yet," he smiled back at her cheekily, seeing how she chuckled in response. He was quite shy, but he figured she was even more shy than him. So upon getting an opportunity to speak, he decided to use it wisely.

"They doctors and nurses already call me Mr.Choi, so I'd love to be simply Junhong again."

She gave him another laugh and this opportunity, promising to call him by name rather than anything else. Giving him her name in return, which he engraved into his mind, loving the sound and feel of it.

"So, any particular reason for conversing with Jaeeun?" she said as they started to walk away, her steps careful next to Junhong who was trying to hold up as fast as he could on crutches.

"She kind of bumped into me earlier and then started apologizing like crazy. And then she remembered about leaving her kite somewhere, and we went looking for it," he said, not lying in the least. She did indeed not watch where she went, yet the bump was much milder than she thought. No damage caused - just a chance for him to find out more about the beautiful girl walking next to him now.

"Oh my, I will make sure to tell her to be a little more cautious when running around," she said, her brows furrowing a little, "That girl's got so much energy, I can barely keep up with her. Sorry if she caused inconvenience."

"No worries, actually, it made the day better," he said, making her raise a brow at him, an amused smirk on her face as she awaited explanation.

"How's that?"

"It's so boring around here, I swear," he whined, making her chuckle at how this lose to meter ninety guy in his early twenties sounded like a tiny, pouty kid, "I'm waiting for my hyung to come visit, but, like.. Before and after that, absolutely no fun. I just wit around, then lie around, and then get scolded for walking around too much."

"But you really shouldn't do that," she told him, her voice displaying a surprising amount of worry and concern, considering the fact he was still a stranger, "You should give your leg some rest.”

“Should I give it a break?”

She laughed out loud immediately at his play of words, her eyes wandering to scan over his amused facial expression, his smile indicating he thought he had just made the joke of the century. Which he kid of had, to her at least, as he had just managed to make himself come off as even more lovable than prior to this conversation. And it would be a lie to say she hadn’t admired him from afar already.

“No, don’t give it more breaks, it’s broken enough already. I heard you had your bone split and broken vertically, which is supposed to be much more painful than a regular broken bone-"

Her eyes widened as she realized she had said too much. He had immediately caught onto the fact she knew a piece of info about him that he hadn’t told her, meaning she got it from somewhere else as it wasn’t written down on a label and stuck to him, and he carefully watched her from the corners of his eyes, seeing as her cheeks flushed and her hand rose to clasp her mouth shut.

"So you've just randomly heard it around the place, hmm?"

"Well, I might have asked a nurse friend of mine after that one time I passed you the crutches, a few days ago.."

His heart fluttered at the fact he had caught her eye enough for her to actually want to find out about who he was. And seeing her blushing so much about it, he wanted to just tell her that it was alright. He didn't mind. In fact, he liked it.

"Thank you for that, by the way. I felt quite helpless back there."

Both of them chuckled, and as they neared around the corner of the hospital, he saw a familiar figure climbing down from a familiar Vespa.

"Yongguk-hyung!"

She jumped a little at his sudden outburst of happiness, and her stare trailed to where his had gone to just to notice a skinny guy getting off of a scooter, slowly turning to Junhong and replying to his energetic and hectic waves of his hand with a smaller, less noticeable wave back.

"That's the hyung you were talking about, right?"

Junhong looked down at her and smiled, his smile seeming so warm and inviting. Seeing it up so close was definitely much better than getting quiet glances of it from the distance.

"Yes. My oldest hyung, he's basically like a brother to me."

They both shared a few more neutral phrases paced around for a while, and from the corners of her eyes, she saw Yongguk approaching slowly but steadily.

"I guess I will go now then."

He looked back, a little confused, a little sad. But he quickly understood she felt out of place at this situation, and was understanding for her point of view and her desire not to disturb.

"Okay," was all he replied with, though as she had already turned on her heel and started slowly walking off, he turned to her quickly and blurted out.

"I'll see you around, right?"

She stopped a little and smiled, hoping he asked because he liked her company and not just to be polite, because she sure liked his, as it was mood-lifting and full of positivity.

"I mean, sure. You'll be lonely once again when your hyung leaves, so maybe I could keep you company.."

Yongguk had come with only good news. His backpack was full of gifts given to him or any of the other guys for Junhong by the fans at the recent fansigns, and he promised that the next one to come around to visit would be Daehyun, another two days from now, and he'd bring along Mochii, possibly Kanji as well. Though Junhong wasn't even sure if pets were allowed anywhere neat the hospital territory, he just hoped Daehyun accompanied by two dogs wouldn't be directed back home at the very first gate that lead into the territory. He really, really missed not only his hyungs, but also his dog.

He had to make it to an x-ray this same evening, and simply sat around inspecting what Yongguk had brought him up until then. He barely noticed how it had been hours already as the notification on his phone went off, and he sighed, pacing around and collecting a few things before heading out of the door and into another part of the hospital.

Once he came back, one more surprise awaited him, in the form of a note on the ground that had been slipped into the room through the little space under the door.

I’ll be free tomorrow at six. In case you have no plans and still feel lonely, I’ll be somewhere in the waiting room of your department. W could hang out or something.

Her handwriting was so pretty, and as his fingers traced over the letters of her name she had signed the paper with carefully, he couldn’t help but smile. She had gone all the way here to let him know she indeed wanted to spend some time to him. She had made the efforts to find out where his room was located in order to indeed see him around.

She was actually going to see him again.

He felt like an idiot for having come around half an hour earlier than planned, sitting around on the nearby sofa and patiently fiddling with his fingers at half past five already, but as she walked through the door at a quarter to six, their stares met immediately and their cheeks flushed a reddish shade rather simultaneously.

“And I thought I was early.”

“Well, you are,” he teased, seeing as she blushed even more, “But I was earlier, so I guess I should blush harder than you.”

He chuckled at her face showing indefinite surprise at his cheeky remark, but she took it as a compliment rather than judgement. She took it as him saying he really, really appreciated her coming earlier, as it showed she kind of cared. And he apparently did too.

“There’s more people here than I thought there’d be though, so how about we just go back to my room?”

She nodded quietly, and rushed to him immediately to help him stand up when he did so with mild troubles, as the new cast that had been put on his leg just the same morning felt about a ton heavier than the previous one. But he simply chuckled in reply, thanking her for her concerns and admiring the way she blushed as she realized she had just basically unintentionally thrown her arms all around him. Without further ceremonies, they went down the corridor to get to the desired room.

“Haven’t you mixed up departments, sweetie?”

She smiled kindly at the woman who had just greeted her, and judging by the badge that read “Head nurse, Mrs. Kang”, he assumed this was the never-smiling nurse Jaeeun had talked about, though she didn’t seem all that heartless at all. But maybe it was just because of the person whom she was talking to, as Junhong was certain that no one could have any hard feelings towards someone such as the girl accompanying him this evening.

“Same to you, Mrs. Kang. You have wandered far from your workplace too.”

“I had to get a few papers down to the main office, and just took a shortcut,” she eyed Junhong up and down carefully as he bowed to her a little politely, her brow rising at the sight of them together, “You seem to be here due to having found company elsewhere though.”

“Yes. This is Junhong, my company for the evening.”

“Nice to meet you, young man,” the nurse said before starting to head back to her department through her desired route, “May you two have fun on your date.”

As soon as the word “date” left the nurse’s lips, Junhong saw her yelping at it a little and looking lost beyond belief. And he wondered - was it the fact she didn’t want to deny the statement, or maybe the fact she wanted to deny it as much as possible? He decided to take his chances and risk it, as when they walked further down the corridor, he quietly asked her.

“When was the last time you actually went on a date?”

“Long ago,” her voice suddenly sounded all serious and maybe even melancholy-filled, “Before.. Before certain events happened in my life. Not that I remember all that clearly anymore.”

And quickly understanding that this would be a personal story reserved for her to reveal to him maybe at another time, he simply smiled down at her while unlocking the door to his room, and said.

“In that case I apologize, for this might be a quite unplanned date. As well as I apologize for just taking you to hang out in my room and nowhere fancy. But I’ll do better next time.”

It indeed felt like some weird type of date. For hours upon hours, they were seated on his bed, chatting the time away and laughing at lame jokes. He showed her all the things Yongguk had brought along, bragging about having the best fans and, upon realizing she didn’t catch on or didn’t really know if he was being serious at first, had to explain what he did for a living. She ended up being mesmerized by his stories, even more by his songs, as well as ended up telling him her plans, and the different things that lied in her dreams of the future, and upon listening, he indeed had to admit he was amazed by her. By how fondly she talked of all her dreams, and how determined she was to reach them. As she had been talking for what seemed to be dozens of minutes at once already, she suddenly got quiet upon seeing his dreamy eyes and his longing stare that was directed at her.

“I’m.. I’m sorry.”

“What for?” he questioned, mild confusion displayed in his eyes as he saw her biting her lip and looking down on her hands that were resting on her lap.

“I’m sorry for just, you know.. Babbling so much. I can sometimes be quite inconsiderate of others unintentionally, I doubt you wanted to hear all of that-”

“No, I did,” she stilled all of a sudden when she felt his hands landing on top of hers, the warmth they offered seeming oh so inviting. Her eyes met with his again, and she saw no hard feelings in his stare. In fact, his eyes were sparkling to some extent. They seemed encouraging and as genuine as they could be.

“To be completely honest, I really like your company,” he couldn’t say this bit to her face though, and turned away as he still felt the shyness creeping up and taking over his abilities to strike up a normal conversation, “And whatever you’re comfortable to tell me, you can, you know.. Actually tell me.”

“So you’re saying I could pull out my phone and show you a gallery full of cat pictures commenting every single one and you’d still be interested?” she chuckled, quickly understanding her wrong use of the word “interested”. She meant it as in “interested into conversing”, though it came out as her questioning if he was interested into her as a whole. Though, seeing how his smile unfolded, she felt as if nothing could go wrong at this point. She had just met him yesterday, though he had already managed to make himself feel like a safe zone which she could go to whenever she desired.

“Only if I can pull out my own gallery with dozens of pictures of my dog in response,” she laughed, and smiled to herself as she heard him saying quietly. 

“You can show me whatever. I feel like I’ll genuinely always be interested.”

It was more than just flattering, and whenever she glanced at Junhong, she indeed felt her heartbeat increasing a little. He was clearly in for conversation, in for getting to know her. He was clearly interested.

But for the rest of the evening, she kept on worrying about how interested he would still be if she told him the complete truth. If he knew what department her room was located in, if he knew her reasons for being here, as over the time, this hospital had become more like a home to her than he knew or she liked to admit, and she feared he would see her in a different, more pitiful light if he indeed found out what she was suffering from.

Two weeks flew by faster than he thought they would, and he felt much more mobile and free at moving around when he was scanning all over the room for the last time to see if he hadn’t forgotten anything here. His duffel bag thrown over his shoulder as he leaned on one crutch instead of two now, he felt a light tap to his shoulder from behind that indicated he had to go.

“I’m ready whenever you’re ready,” Youngjae who had come to pick him up and drive him back home announced, holding another one of Junhong’s bags in his hand, “Let’s go.”

He walked through the corridor, feeling as if he would weirdly miss this. For the last two weeks, his world had been turned upside down, and until recently he never knew that a single person could stir such emotions inside of him.

But that’s the power she had over him, and part of the power she had over everyone here, really, as once he befriended her, he saw how much better she was than he thought previously - not that he ever though bad of her. How anyone who engaged into conversation with her seemed just a tad bit more hopeful afterwards, no matter their initial bad thoughts and conditions. How she didn’t fear people because of their injuries or illnesses, and didn’t put a label on anyone prior to knowing them. She was so, so nice, and as he recalled all the late evening talks they’ve had almost every night for the last two weeks, he knew he would miss them.

And upon leaving she was the last thing he saw. Standing and waving at him silently, waiting for him to come up to say something. Something good, preferably, which he indeed did, giving her an embrace and making her blush as his nose stroked against her ear and he whispered to her, so that no one but she would hear.

“I did promise you that second date, right? The fancy one, if you remember. So how about next time we meet I’ll take you out for dinner?”

“I’d love to,” she admitted, and felt him pressing a barely-there kiss to her temple as a thank you.

“Thank you for getting me through the dull days. I was really in need for such company,” he said before pulling away and slowly departing, and as she watched him leaving through the doors with Youngjae who was already bugging him about who this mysterious girl he was all cuddly with just now was, she felt tears brimming at her eyes, though she didn’t let them slide over her cheeks.

What would he think of her once he found out?

He was actually unable to function as he finally heard it. On top of that, from no other that Jaeeun.

“She is where?”

“Getting treatment,” Jaeeun repeated it as if it was the most normal thing in the world, her legs dangling over the edge of the chair she was sitting on. Her curious glance met Junhong’s pained expression, and as soon as she realized he didn’t catch on, she wanted to clarify.

“Hadn’t she told you?”

“N-no, she hadn’t..” Junhong’s glance wandered over and across the floor, his heart clenching and shattering into pieces with every passing second that Jaeeun kept talking on.

“That’s how we first met, actually,” she remembered with a smile, “I was directed here from the children’s department, and since she was alone and without a roommate at that time, she was kind enough to let me stay with her. My parents say it is a good thing I got paired up with her. They said she was nice and responsible, and would be a good influence. My mom actually even became good friends with her. They always talk a lot when they meet.”

Half the information went past his ears as he stared down at the ground, and tried to recall a time she had possibly mentioned it. Hinted it, maybe, though he couldn’t recall the conversation going this way like ever. When they first met, she never told him why she was at hospital too. Hell, he didn’t even know what department she was in back then, as they always spent time in his room and never in hers. And he also never asked just because he saw she didn’t really want to share, and he was polite by giving her privacy.

“Say, Jaeeun,” his voice cracked slightly, to which she gave him an alarmed glance, “What.. What else do you know about it?”

Jaeeun said she didn’t know all that much, as her companion had never been all that vocal about her health condition. Even on her worst days, she would smile through the tragedy and sadness and always come back from appointments, check-ups and treatments in a good mood. Even when others would cry at the situations she went through, she would quietly say it was nothing instead, and would focus on other’s issues not to think about her own. Turns out even on the day when Jaeeun wanted to fly the kite she had gone through morning treatment, and it hurt Junhong to know how he was so, so clueless about all of the pain she had to go through back then.

And as her footsteps filled the hallway, he hoped he wouldn’t let her see him crying, because he sure felt like it.

“J-junhong-ah, what are you d-doing here?”

“I came to pick you up and drive you home,” he said quietly, not looking her in the eyes, “Forgive me for invading your private plans, but.. You left your planner on my kitchen table yesterday, open on this week’s page. An appointment was written in there, and..”

And what? 

He was so concerned when he saw it, a thousand different possibilities running through his head. Back when he had actually taken her out on their first real date, she told him she had one more week left at the hospital before she would be free to go home. And ever since then, life seemed to be normal. They were just regular people. Setting up meetings with each other at places they desired, slowly yet steadily falling in love with each other. Exchanging feelings, eventually sharing a first kiss, then another one and a few more. Starting to call each other sweet names, realizing this was for real. Realizing that what they shared now was a relationship. Realizing they didn’t want it any other way. Like ever.

And through all of this, she showed no signs of health issues whatsoever - not that she let him know of any, at least. And it scared him to the last bone when he actually flipped through her planner upon seeing the lone writing about the appointment, just to find many more identical ones all through the planner. He cared too much not to find out what was wrong after seeing all of that.

“.. And I wanted to see what it was that you had seemingly been hiding from me all this time.”

She didn’t budge, and poor Jaeeun took turns to look at both of you, her head turning from right to left and from left to right as she tried to formulate a fitting and appropriate sentence.

“Junhong, please, don’t be mad at her,” the girl said, seeing as she stood a few feet away still, her eyes threatening to spill some tears as they refused to look back at Junhong, “She simply didn’t want to upset you. She didn’t mean any bad-”

“I know,” Junhong finally said, rising up to his feet slowly, “I know that. I am not mad or anything either. I’m just.. Taken aback.” 

Her hand landed in his, and saying quiet farewells to Jaeeun, they walked through the hospital hallways and out of the building in silence, with Junhong walking half a step ahead from her and not sparing her a single glance. Through their ride home, not a single thing changed, and she felt so empty and hollow while looking out of the passenger seat’s windows, seeing as lamp posts, buildings and people flew by as they drove down some busy streets. She felt like her life was flying by now the same way as well as she wondered what would come. Wondered what he would tell her now.

As they stepped through the doorway of her apartment, they didn’t say a single word to each other while taking off their shoes and hanging up their jackets. Her heart was still aching from this silence he offered her, and as tears threatened to spill once again, she turned to face him and asked him quietly.

“Please, Junhong-ah. Don’t hate me, I.. I really meant to tell you, but..”

His arms wrapped around her without hesitation, securing her in place as he leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. And as the tears finally started coming, he carefully wiped all of them away from her cheeks with his thumbs, swinging their frames from side to side and filling the empty void inside their hearts with unconditional love and affection, since he felt like nothing else could fix it at that point. Since he felt like he has had enough time to process the first load of info, and simply wanted to ask her to know the rest, since he cared about her, and wanted only the best for her.

“I could never hate you,” he told her quietly, looking right into her eyes as his thumbs still traced over her cheeks, “Okay? Don’t you ever think I could possibly hate you, especially because of such reasons..”

They spent the afternoon tangled up on her couch, thin blanket over their intertwined bodies as the afternoon sun peaked through the closed blinds and tried to get in their eyes. He had requested her to tell him everything, but only if she felt comfortable with it. And had pleaded her to at least tell him the main situation if she didn’t want to go into details, so he wouldn’t be completely in the blue. Because he cared about her and loved her, and wanted to help her in case he could somehow.

She told him how it started. How and when she heard the diagnosis for the first time, and how it had been hell at the start. How she spent her nights worrying about what was to come, withstanding pitiful glances of people she knew and hearing encouraging words that didn’t encourage her at all. How she hated the fact everyone saw her for her issue and not for who she was ever since she was diagnosed with cancer, and how what hurt the most was to see the pain in her relatives and friend’s eyes.

“I saw so many pained faces, and all of a sudden, I felt like I was a disappointment,” she kept fiddling with her hands, surprised at how it poured out of her like a waterfall while he quietly listened, “I felt as if I was hurting less than the people around me, because in case things went wrong for me, I mean.. I wouldn’t be there to witness it all. But they would see it first-hand, and would feel all bad and devastated, and..”

She sighed, and he pulled her into his chest. For a while, they lied in silence, with his hands carefully cradling her body, his fingers running over her sides in calming motions that indicated she could take all the time she needed. He was a patient listener and could wait for a moment.

“You know, it’s quite stupid, but.. I saw you back in the hallway for the first time as I passed from one department to another, and couldn’t quite take my eyes off of you,” she chuckled a little, at this point feeling like she wanted to tell him absolutely everything, “I had just lived through a rather hard phrase regarding treatment and staying positive and stuff, had been in hospital for longer than I wanted to admit. And let me tell you, never have I seen a guy like you there.”

“Someone so big yet helpless since my crutches were out of reach and I was flailing around with my arms aimlessly?”

She laughed a little, moving closer to him as he chuckled too, and despite the hard topic, she felt the atmosphere around them brightening a little, “Kind of. But what I meant to say, someone with such curious and bright eyes. It kind of reminded me of what I had promised myself to do ever since the diagnose. Hospitals are a dull place. White walls and pained faces everywhere. And though I had promised myself to not let a diagnose bother me when it came to living to the fullest, having been in hospital did drain my spirit a lot. But seeing you back then reminded me of how I wanted to be happy. How I had promised myself that.”

“And then we talked, and you were so nice, and.. I liked you so much from day one,” he smiled at that, remembering how it was all the same to him. How her smile alone had already mesmerized him enough for him to develop a desire to get to know her.

“But I still remembered how the word “cancer” always stuck into people’s imaginations and memory better than my name, and, besides, I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to feel pitiful towards me, or to see me simply as another patient. I wanted you to see me as me, and not someone beat up by their illness. I wanted you to genuinely like me and not be simply polite because I was having a hard time and you’re made of sunshine.”

He understood her reasoning perfectly. It was crystal clear to him, her desire to not tell him so he wouldn’t draw assumptions or conclusions before he got to know how amazingly beautiful inside and out she was. Strong-willed, strong-spirited, kind and positive.

“I didn’t want to hear the regular stuff about keeping on going through the battle, it’s kind of repetitive and has lost it’s meaning along the way anyways. I didn’t want you to think I was weak and helpless either, I just..”

“..I kind of wanted to simply seem normal to you. And wanted you to love me normally. And, well, I guess I was also being selfish, because, forgive me for thinking bad of you, but.. I wasn’t quite sure you’d want to love me at all if you knew I had cancer.”

She felt him pressing a kiss on top of her head, to which she closed her eyes and patiently waited for his reply. And quietly exhaled when the question he eventually asked was a simple yet important one.

“How bright does the future look?”

“Promising,” she told him quietly, feeling how his lips curled into a tiny smile, “It’s moving forwards slowly, but it’s getting better. The treatment’s been successful for now, no complications or anything anywhere, so.. I’m positive about it.”

“..Good, because I’ve planned a whole happy-ever-after for both of us, which involves me loving you unconditionally through all your ups and downs from now on and until forever. And whatever might try to take it away from us won’t quite work.”

She stayed close to him like this, feeling all tired and sleepy because of all the shaken up feelings from earlier. And just like that, to the sound of him telling her how he understood why she stayed silent about it, how this didn’t change his perception of her and how she could always count on him for anything, she drifted off to sleep, seeing the scene of how they first met in her vivid dreams while he simply held her, thinking of the future and eventually falling asleep himself as well.

“You’re here!”

Jaeeun flung her tiny arms around her neck as she knelt down to pick her up, and spun the little girl around a few times, their joyful laughter mixing up in the air and attracting the attention of others nearby.

“I promised I would come to see you after your last doctor’s visit, right?” she smiled at the little girl, “You’re a free, independent woman now. I wanted to be there to witness that happening.”

Junhong stood just a few feet away from them, unable to hide his own smile away from these two. What had initially brought them together was their issue and condition, as they shared the same painful truth and diagnosis. But what they shared now as well was a positive outcome - Jaeeun’s cancer had been retreating efficiently, and today was her final day after another round of hospital visits before she was free to go home and start leading a normal life again.

“You were there after my last visit, after all, right?”

Junhong remembered it clearly. How, despite anything she’d ever told him about her living to the fullest and trying to pay less to no attention to her sickness when it came to living her life the same way like she used to, she has never looked more joyful than after leaving the doctor’s office with nothing but good news. How she smiled as he held her tightly, and mumbled about how the nightmare was going to be over. How she wouldn’t hurt anyone anymore, to which he told her that she should think not only about others, but about herself sometimes as well. To which, once again, she looked up at him, and sweetly told him that he would put her first in case she wouldn’t, and his love had been enough for her to become happy once again. Telling him how he made her remember her objectives, made her want to stick to them, and to realize the always had support right there by her side.

Jaeeun’s patents soon came from around the corner, and upon polite and upbeat small talk with them, Junhong together with her watched their silhouettes walking down the hallways, Jaeeun walking hand in hand with her parents and looking all around for what seemed to be the last time for a much longer period of time.

“I’m so happy for her.”

Junhong quietly hummed in agreement, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer to his side. She leaned her head against his shoulder, and for a while they simply stared down the corridor, remembering all kinds of things.

“You’re in the wrong department again, sweetie.”

She turned around to the familiar voice of Mrs. Kang, smiling ear-to-ear and bowing politely at her, saying her greetings and how glad she was to see her and to know she was doing alright.

“You two are quite inseparable now, I see,” she eyed the way Junhong was holding her carefully and lovingly down in a curious fashion, “Still helping him to get around? That’s what you initially wanted when you asked me about him for the first time, right? Just to help him a little, since he looked quite clumsy and clueless on how to even use crutches.”

At this point, Junhong’s loving laughter was already piercing through the air, and without looking down at her he already knew she was blushing a lot.

“He wasn’t really supposed to know that...”

“Well, too bad, the gossiper in me just said it out loud,” Mrs. Kang smiled at them one last time before leaving them to return to her duties, “Young man, treasure her well, please. She is a sweetheart who sure deserves it.”

“I will!” he shouted out before being left alone with her, feeling how she hid her blushing face in his chest.

“Mystery solved,” he kissed the top of her head as his arms wrapped around her, “Now I know how you knew about my weirdly cracked bones. And the room number and everything..”

She offered silence in return, her face nuzzling deeper into his chest. So adorable and shy, it was how she first looked to him. So head-spinningly sweet and lovable he had a hard time not telling her flat-out.

“Nothing to be ashamed of though. After all, I liked you too.’’

And as she looked up at him, he didn’t hesitate to press a kiss on her slightly agape mouth, and smiled at her before stating the obvious.

“And now I don’t even just like you anymore. I love you. And you better love me back in return, or I’ll be really, really sad otherwise.”

“I do, you fool,” she laughed out, and as their hands intertwined to walk back out of the hospital building, she couldn’t help but think that not every experience of hers related to this place had been bad.

She met him at this hospital, and he was by far one of the best things that had ever happened to her. And as she felt his hand that was placed into hers tugging her along, she figured she never wanted to let go. Not that he would ever let that happen anyways, as by the looks of it, he was leading her off to that happy-ever-after he had promised her before, his steps feather-light and his heart full of unconditional love and support which he all reserved for her. 

Guiding her from the very first moment they met, and forever from now on.

[desdemona-wren]

V.A.A{p}

1. What color is your character’s hair?

Naturally black, currently in the story line I believe it is Magenta or Amaranth. May also be a bright icy blue. She changes it rather often. 

2. What color are your character’s eyes?

Gray, but they can’t seem to make up their mind as to whether they want to look greenish or blueish. As is the case with light eyed people. 

3. What color is your character’s skin?

She’s part Thai and part Greek (and all American) so she’s fairly tan. 

4. What special aesthetic characteristics does your character have?

She’s got cool hair. 

5. Does your character have any piercings? Tattoos?

Septum. Ears pierced thrice on each side (standart lobe, double upper lobe). Daith piercing in left ear (with cute crescent moon shaped earring). industrial piercing in right ear (may or may not be an arrow. long live the goddess artemis u fools). You could TECHNICALLY call the buying/selling runes embedded in her wrists piercings since they’re permanent runes. She also has a navel piercing because how could she not? And a smiley piercing. Maybe even a few “down under”. Not that you could prove it. 

Forgot this also asked about tattoos. She doesn’t have anything too visible. She has the phases of the moon across her back (right shoulder to left shoulder) in an eerie metallic gold that’s 1 part magic, 2 parts irradiated fuckery. And one on her arm somewhere. Don’t know what its of. Her favorite animal probably. 

6. What’s the sexiest physical characteristic of your character?

Definitely her giant nose. 

7. What’s the ugliest physical characteristic of your character?

Uh. She has really bad breath in the morning. 

( I'M HER MOTHER. 

SHE'S PERFECT IN MY EYES.

EVEN IF HER BOOBS ARE LOPSIDED AND SHE HAS WEIRD QUESTIONABLE SCARS AND SHE HAS A HUGE NOSE

I LOVE HER THE WAY SHE IS)

BONUS: What element of their appearance is your character most insecure about?

Violet is really insecure about her height. She thinks she’s too short. 

8. What does your character wear?

She’s a goth so. Bright colors and idk rainbows. That’s what goths wear, right?

9. When your character smiles, what does their smile look like?

Probably a little terrifying. Or awkward. She’s not much of a smiler. 

10. What does your character’s laugh sound like?

Harsh and deep but feminine. Or when she’s nicer and isn’t being a bitch her laughter is kind of melodic and contagious. 

BONUS: What sort of things would make your character laugh?

Generally being mean to Jasmine or pulling a really good prank. Though she also laughs a lot when flirting. 

11. What is your character’s normal style of speech?

Her voice is slightly raspy, but light. Most of the time she sounds annoyed.

BONUS: What are some memorable things your character has said that showcase their unique voice?

“Female orgasm enhancement?” She asked, tapping her long black fingernail against the front of the bottle. She moved her gaze from the potion in her hand to take in the two officers before her.

“Your,” she cleared her throat, quirking an eyebrow at the male officer, “partner not pulling his weight?”

12. How does your character express/handle anger?

By blowing shit up and losing control. Or also being a petty bitch. There is no in-between. 

13. Does your character cry?

Everybody cries.

BONUS: What sorts of things would make them cry?

Idk man. Maybe breaking a nail or ripping her brand new tights or getting kidnapped and tortured for three years only to find out everything she’s ever known is a lie and her entire life is in shambles. 

14. How easy is it for other people to read your character’s emotions?

I mean. By nature her entire species has difficulty expressing and reading emotions so. I mean, I don’t think people can really read each other that well. 

15. Is your character religious?

She’s basically obsessed with sun gods and moon goddesses. Casters don’t have to be religious, but some of those who use witchcraft or “the old ways” find it comforting to believe in something. Violet is one of those people. 

16. How does your character view those of other faiths?

She doesn’t care about them. It doesn’t directly affect her, after all. 

17. What are your character’s core values?

I mean. First do no harm? She was training to be a medical caster so she wants to help people. She has a lot of good ideas on how to fix things in magical society, but she’s lost her way a little bit. 

18. How willing is your character to fight for those values?

She’s done a lot of things. Even sort of pimping herself out to better science.

19. What is your character’s favorite food?

She’s real into fruit. And maybe also too much into khao neow sang kaya. 

20. What is your character’s favorite color?

Gold.

21. What are your character’s sleeping preferences?

When she was in the medical corps she pushed herself until she passed out somewhere weird. Now that she works in a store she gets between 6 to 8 hours a night. Sometimes more. She’s a lot more well rested than she used to be. 

Habit wise she generally sleeps in her bed, hair up, shorts and a tanktop and completely diagonal across the whole thing. In med corps she was lucky if she found a nice hard floor to pass out on. 

BONUS: What position does your character typically sleep in?

Diagonally across her bed on her stomach or right side. 

22. What is your character’s sexual identity?

Cis female? If that’s what you’re asking. Fuck it I’m combining 22 and 23. Violet is canonically cis female and bisexual. 

23. What are your character’s sexual preferences?

BONUS: What sexual experiences or choices does your character feel especially good or bad about?

Violet hasn’t done a lot of the sex. She hasn’t had time with her medical career. They start training really young and everyone is really serious about it. So she doesn’t have much to feel good or bad about. She’s largely neutral to the whole thing. Dancing naked in the moonlight covered in blood and surrounded by a dozen of your peers before ominously chanting some weird song prior to a three day orgy is normal every day wixen shit, after all. 

24. What type of music does your character like?

Violet likes 80′s female power ballads and music without lyrics that she can work to. Movie scores are generally a favorite since most of those are instrumental. 

BONUS: Does your character have a song that is “their song”?

Uh. Fite me.

25. What is your character’s birthday?

She’s a Sagittarius. December 2nd. 

BONUS: Does their astrological sign seem to fit them?

Violet is a Sagittarius and she does have a thirst for knowledge and an impressive intellect. She’s curious and quick-witted and extroverted. So I’d say it fits her well, but that’s why I chose the sign for her in the first place. 

26. What family structure did your character have growing up?

She doesn’t remember much about her parents, they died in a fire when she was young. She grew up with her older sister in a boarding school. They were rather staunch and strict, but she had a cool lady named Hecate around to help her realize her true potential. 

27. How well did your character get along with their family?

Violet and her older sister, Persephone get along famously. Plus her mother figure, Hecate is constantly around being her best self. She has a pretty great family dynamic. 

28. What is the worst thing your character has ever done?

Probably left that sticky note for Jasmine. 

29. What is the best thing your character has ever done?

That remains to be seen. 

30. What is the most significant romantic encounter of your character’s past?

Uh. She stabbed Jasmine in the hand once. 

31. Has your character ever been in love?

Not that she knows of. So far. In this time line. 

32. Has your character ever been in lust?

Uhhh. Sure. All those orgies. 

33. What is your character’s level of sexual experience?

Pretty lacking. She’s only been to a few blood/moon orgies. 

34. What is your character’s most embarrassing moment?

Lol generally existing. But no really, probably accidentally stabbing a cop in the hand. 

35. What is your character’s biggest goal in life?

to SUCCEED AT THE THING SHE WANT TO SUCCEED AT CAUSE IT IS A THING TO DO AT ALL THE COSTS.

Also to change the cost of casting. She wants to erase the emotional disconnect it causes in wixen and magical beings of all types. It’s sort of a huge problem. Though for a long time she goes about that the wrong way. 

36. What does your character believe is their greatest virtue?

Probably being a healer.

37. What does your character believe is their greatest vice?

Probably not knowing when to stop a bad or toxic behavior due to being casted out. Overcasting is a huge bad habit she’s picked up recently. She’s never been able to cast recreationally before leaving the medical corps to help her sister with their new potions shop. So she’s gone overboard lately and it’s been sort of ruining her life. 

38. What motivates your character most?

A strong desire to find an easy way out of her past mistakes and hopefully make things better for future generations. 

39. Is your character objective-oriented?

I mean, probably? We’ve already discussed her interest in goals? I don’t understand why this question is even here.

40. Would your character rather be a great person or a good person?

Violet is offended by this question. It’s a fucking weird stupid ass question. 

41. Would your character rather be hated for being who they are or loved for pretending to be someone else?

Violet doesn’t give a fuck. If you don’t like her, that’s your problem, fam. 

42. Is your character an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?

Extroverted. 

43. Is your character creatively expressive?

I mean. Sure, if you consider potion making an surgery and art. I suppose. I mean, she makes potion making look fucking cool. 

44. What’s your character’s disorder?

Violet is a giant fucking nerd.

Who is cursed with a flair for the dramatic along with the crippling depression, lack of empathy or any sort of emotional understanding, and general shitty person disorder that comes along with magic and its use in modern society. Wixen are very off-putting to say the least. 

45. What is your character’s standard emotional state?

Stressed. Probably angry. Maybe a little confused. At least at first, until she goes through a brief apathetic phase. Then basically constant earth shattering rage. 

46. Is your character materialistic?

Sure. Violet likes pretty things. What 19 year old isn’t a little materialistic. 

BONUS: What are some of your character’s prized possessions?

Man her weird spiral rainbow wand that she doesn’t use because wands have been obsolete for centuries. But the ~~~aesthetic~~~ tho.��

47. What is your character’s major learning style?

Practical application. Putting herself in a situation or a simulation that would require her to use the knowledge she’s been provided with and has studied several times. She learns both by reading and by doing. 

48. What question isn’t on this questionnaire that your character is just burning to answer?

She likes girls more than dudes even though she’s bi. She also wants to have a pet red panda because they’re cute. Her favorite animal is probably a bear. Idk. 

49. I am a _________. How would your character complete that sentence?

“I am a medical professional and this is jackass.”

50. Life is an act of _________ing. What verb would your character use to complete that sentence?

Dude probably “fucking” what kind of a dumb ass sentence is this. Violet is fucking perturbed. 

[lightningcola]

((I said I’d post info on my ocs eventually so here it is lol. Also here’s a link to all art I have posted of them.))

ღBasic Infoღ

Full Name~ Sommy Childs/Booker Meaning~ none

Nickname/Preferred Name~ Sommy

Age~ 24

Age They Look~ 17-19, they age way slower than they should

Birthday~ February 13th Zodiac Sign~ Aquarius

Gender~ nonbinary/agender Pronouns~ they/them Sexuality~ aro/ace

Ethnicity~ generic white

Voice~ nasally, annoying. Loud when they're trying to be Extra™, no particular accent

Known Languages~ English

Theme Song(s)~ Young and a Menace - Fall Out Boy, Monster - Imagine Dragons

Theme Color~ bright green

ღPhysical Appearanceღ

Species~ human Skin color~ pale, pallor, a little sickly

Birthmarks~ none

Hair color~ black and green Hair length~ right above their shoulders, slightly curly and choppy, it grows super fast so they’re constantly trimming it, sometimes they get lazy and it grows out pretty long

Hair Texture~ generally kinda greasy, the dyed part is fried

Hair Dye(s)~ green streak on their left side Eye Color(s)~ dark purple Height~ 5′2 Weight~ 120 lbs but it varies pretty drastically

Body Build~ they’re short but they’re pretty strong

Blood Type~ AB-

Freckles~ none Tattoo/Scar/Piercings~ scars below left eye, right cheek, and hands from being thrown out a window. Scar on neck from getting their head almost chopped off by a couple cult weirdos. It gives them a raspy voice and affects their breathing, they just start wheezing sometimes. Scars on palms from themself. Scar on right shoulder from getting shot and scar on left thigh from getting slashed that causes their arm and leg to get stiff if it gets cold or if they don’t move it for a while. Glasses/Contacts/General Eyesight~ no glasses, good eyesight

Dominant Hand~ right

Scent~ coppery or metallic, hair bleach

ღFashionღ

General Description~dark clothes with collars or scarves

◇Formal◇ Switches between dresses and suits. They prefer dresses that they can run in, normally with long sleeves and a collar to cover up scars. ♧Pajamas♧ T-shirt and boxers usually, their favorite sleep shirt is an old Fogbank one ♤Usual Clothes♤ Turtleneck with black jeans and their usual trench coat, also their terribly edgy boots

ღHealthღ

Smoker?~ heavy Drinker?~ yes Drugs?~ used to do party drugs, due to their healing factor though drugs affect Sommy less and less as the time goes on. Endigo still affects them, though they only take it occasionally since it heightens their abilities then wipes them out for like a whole day, also they get pretty sick afterward, like the world's worst hangover. Issues?~ boi u bet

Allergies~ none

Mental Disorders~ none diagnosed

Physical Disabilities~ none Medication?~ sleeping pills, they have to take like way more than the recommended dose

Addictions?~ smoking, drinking Diet~ whatever's cheapest and closest. Since they use a lot of energy healing, they have to eat a lot more than the usual person.

Sleeping Habits~ They really don’t sleep well ever, they have a lot of nightmares. They actually need more rest than the average person so the lack of sleep double affects them. Sommy lives off mostly coffee and energy drinks. They can really only sleep comfortably when they’re around other people they trust. Because of this they always fall asleep when people hang out with them. Most people think it’s pretty rude, Rinnah especially. Sommy never explains why they fall asleep like that either so that doesn’t help anything. Void and Azariah do their best to accommodate this and often just hang around Sommy so they can actually get enough sleep. Neither really mention that they go out of the way to do this because Sommy would probably get super defensive. Sommy secretly really appreciates it though.

ღLifestyleღ

Bus?~ sometimes Train?~ sometimes Car?~ if they can steal one Others?~ would Love to ride a motorcycle

Neighborhood~ Usually a sad motel or a shitty apartment Upper/Middle/Low~ middle? I guess?

Education Level~ didn’t finish high school

Occupation~ hitman, works for Adelaide, professional older sibling to a bunch of mutant kids

Past Occupations~ bodyguard, courier

Dream Job~ FBI agent

Income~ $30,000 minimum each job

Goals~ not be such a terrible person, make a difference in someone’s life, help all the kids their parents fucked over, kill Adelaide 

Living with~ their own self-destructive ass, later they sorta kinda move in with Void.

ღTraitsღ

Optimistic or Pessimist~ pessimist Dangerous or not~ dangerous Daredevil or Cautious~ daredevil Introvert or Extrovert~ extroverted introvert Unorganized or Organized~ unorganized Logical or Emotional~ wants everyone to think they're very logical but they actually get emotional quite a lot Workaholic or Relaxaholic~ neither Confident or Shy~ tries to present themself as confident but it's just false bravo Stressed or Relaxed~ can get overwhelmed easily especially if they’re tired, which is all the time. Normally they’re pretty good at compartmentalizing stress but not all the time.  

Timid or Assertive~ assertive but in the most asshole way possible

Loud or Silent~ loud Naughty or Nice~ naughty (not sure how I feel about this wording tho) Bookworm or Not~ not Philosophical or Realistic~ realistic Believer or See to Believe~ see to believe but boi have they seen some shit

ღPersonalityღ

Usual Mood~ Tired™, grumpy, existential despair Habits~ scratching their skin off because they like to watch it heal, falling asleep around others, nail biting (like their hair, their nails grow super fast as well)

Values~ really skewed sense of justice, everyone is bad in some way, they blame themself for their parents' mistakes and do their best to try and fix it at all times Social Skills~ bad, like really bad. They usually come across as arrogant or sarcastic though they can act pretty well if needed. So it's more like they can fake social skills if they care enough but normally they don't

Strength~ good fighter, loyal, very rel8able if you get to know them, would die for you if they could actually die Weaknesses~ bad, mean, addictive personality, won't take their problems seriously ever, blames themself for too much shit, would fight you over nothing Soft Spots~ people who actually care about them, fuzzy socks, cats (they like to feed the stray cats that hang out in the alleys where they stay) Angry when~ someone goes after their friends/family (cliché, I know), being mislead, gaslighted Relaxed when~ with friends, in quiet places, cats Nervous when~ in large crowds, asking people for things, talking about themself

Phobias~ crippling loneliness, the inevitability of life, people they care about hating them

Pet Peeves~ people misgendering them, people hitting on them, people touching them in general, loud drunk guys

Likes~ fighting, funny socks, sitting around with people they like, when they actually get real sleep, cats, they love cats

Dislikes~ nightmares, themself, most of the people they work with, Murder Mom

Natural Talents~ fighting, being weird

Skills~ being the unwilling older sibling to a bunch of random mutant kids

Secrets~ they’re kind of a depressing open book if you ask the right questions, they would tell you most things about themself, they just get really anxious and nervous when they do it

Biggest Secret~ the fact that they’re still alive and who their adopted parents are (they’re hiding from Booker)

Does Anyone Know?~ Void

Regrets~ their entire life

ღFavoritesღ

Color~ bright green, black, muted greyish colors

Season~ fall

Holiday~ Halloween

Food~ anything home cooked

Animal~ cats

Book Genre~ mystery/thriller

Movie Genre~ horror

Music~ emo bs, Fogbank but only on the dl

ღLeast Favoritesღ

Color~ any bright color that’s not green

Season~ Summer

Holiday~ Valentine’s day

Food~ gas station sushi, they keep buying it and it keeps making them wicked sick

Animal~ rats

Book Genre~ romance

Movie Genre~ romance

Music~ sappy love songs

ღPowerღ

Type of Power~

Hemokinetics: they can control their own blood and any they touch. Usually, they form stake-like weapons since they're the easiest to make though they can make sharp edged weapons as well. Anything complex takes more energy and focus. They can only lose so much before they pass out from blood loss though they can absorb other people’s blood. Sommy can also sense injuries and illness in others and track people. They can also warm and cool their body temperature which allows their emo ass to wear their trenchcoat in the middle of summer.

Healing Factor: they heal faster than a normal human, but not at Deadpool or Wolverine levels. A cut or scrape takes anywhere from a minute or two to an hour or two to heal, bigger wounds take maybe a couple days. Cracked bones take about a day and broken bones can take up to a week depending. The problem with their healing is they can heal wrong very easily, like shattered bones can cause bone fragments to get lodged in muscle or joints which cause a lot of pain and they’re really hard to get out, bones can heal crooked which means Sommy has to re break them. When they were younger, they healed by producing a lot of scar tissue which is why old injuries still affect them/get stiff and stuff. They assume they got some bad internal injuries when they were a kid because they just get stabbing pains or they cough up blood. They know they can’t die from this but it scares the fuck out of Void. Sommy also can’t really have surgery or anything unless they counteract their healing ability, which they can do but since they still have old internal injuries they get pretty fucked up from that. They’re immune to blood borne illnesses but they can still get colds, the flu, stuff like that, they just recover faster. If they get too injured and don’t have enough energy to heal, their body starts to eat away at itself, if it gets too bad they go into a coma like state.

Other: They’re immune to mental manipulation from other anomalies, often the result is the feeling like someone is scraping at their brain. It’s not unbearable just uncomfortable and annoying. This goes for all anomalies.

Flaws~ they have to keep account of how much blood they've lost or else they will Die™, their healing factor will fuck them up if they’re not careful Accuracy~ relatively accurate? Control~ they're really good at the crude stakes and blades but anything too complex is difficult even if they're not fighting, though they get better with practice, they’re working on a claw thing

ღWeaponღ

Choice of Weapon(s): •hunting knife •handgun •shotgun, if they wanna get fancy Favorite/Main Weapon~ handgun Control~ pretty good Accuracy~ they are a great shot Flaws~ they always frickin run out of ammo because they never bring enough, they usually have to use a gun or something if they don’t plan on killing the person because they’d rather not show them their freaky blood power

ღRelationsღ

Mother~

Carol Childs. Sommy's birth mother, she was not ready for a kid and didn't want one either. She mostly liked to watch Sommy react from her yelling at them. She wasn't pure evil but she didn't have many good qualities either. She was the enforcer and the business part of the family business.

Joyce Booker. A police lieutenant, Joyce turned to adopting kids after witnessing too many shipped off to foster care. She tried her best in raising Sommy and Ophelia, giving them all the help she could think of, though she could be too over enthusiastic and overbearing at times. Sommy regrets not telling her how much they appreciated her. She was the kind of mom that the kid thinks is a little embarrassing but everyone else thinks is really cool.

Father~

Lyle Childs. He was a master scientist, the creator of the drug that caused Sommy’s powers. Sommy would have loved to hate him but he didn't interact with them long enough for them to know anything about him. Though Sommy did look him up after they were adopted, reading up on all of the terrible stuff he did.

Craig Booker. He was a quiet man, always worried about saying something wrong. However, he did love his children and tried to express that as much as he could, even when Sommy had gotten into Another fight and he had to go pick them up early from school again. Sommy liked just sitting with him because they felt like they didn't have to talk or say that everything was great.

Sister~

Ophelia Booker. She was 3 years older than Sommy, however, they both got along like they had known each other forever. They could talk to each other about all the stuff that had happened to them. Ophelia supported Sommy any way she could and Sommy did their best to lend a hand in Ophelia's cyborg rights activism. Even after they ran away, Sommy still donated to her cause every year. People would try to convince Ophelia that they were dead but she wouldn't listen and continued to look for Sommy for years. She was eventually rightfully pissed off when she found out they were still alive and had been hiding from her for years.

Cousin~

Connie “Void” Greenglass. Sommy and Void didn't really talk outside family get together's before Sommy disappeared. To be fair, Void was 3 years younger than them. However, they reunited after Sommy found them 7 years later. In that time, Void was working as a reporter, mostly writing fluff pieces, waiting for a big story. Sommy brought them the story of a criminal empire that had its fingers in almost every facet of the city. After minor convincing, Void agreed to write the story as long as they managed to dig up enough evidence. In their “investigation” time they saw more shit than they ever wanted. One of the worst times was when Sommy got their side ripped open by the guy they were supposed to be following. Void is a bit of a doormat and doesn't really call Sommy out on a lot of the shit they probably should. They also promise Sommy not to tell Ophelia about what they've been doing, which really does not go over well when Ophelia eventually finds out.

Friends~

Rinnah Iyver. Sommy and Rinnah don't get along due to their clashing personalities and the fact that Sommy's super annoying. Also due to the fact that Rinnah knows they’re involved with Endigo. Since her father was killed due to her mother’s inability to pay back her debt owed to Loorka, and her mother was in debt because of her drug addiction, Rinnah tends to blame the substance and anyone related to it. However, they both kind of have to get along because Sommy is best friends with Rinnah’s brother and Rinnah is dating Sommy's sister.

Cypher Nox. Sommy has a weird feeling around him, like someone’s scratching the back of their brain every time he talks, also they can't shake the feeling that he looks really familiar. Despite this they both get along well enough, often bonding over traumatic childhoods which Cypher is really cryptic about.

Viper Anguis. Sommy deemed Viper the “coolest” of the group. They often join him and Cypher for a drink. They also like to spar with him because he's a skilled hand to hand fighter due to his experience in an underground fight club.

Lacy Rosecrans. Sommy met her after hearing reports of weird mass mood fluctuations. After investigating the area they found Lacy, an anomaly with empathic abilities that she couldn’t control. Since she was one of the first anomalies Sommy had found at that point, and the most understanding and, well, normal, they bonded pretty quick, Sommy being like an older sibling to her. They both talk often and Sommy will do whatever is within their power to help her when she occasionally loses control over her abilities.

Asher Iravit. One of Void’s closest friends, after he told them about his ability to turn invisible, Void introduced him to Sommy. Ash is a bit too goofy for Sommy but they get along well, especially with having Void as a sort of buffer. He’s often called to “babysit” Sommy by Void when they’re especially worrying them.

Margot Mentior. She’s a counterfeiter who provides Sommy with passports, fake IDs, and other documents. They both met when she tried to ask Sommy out at a bar, after declining, Sommy and her began talking. They found out both their jobs were outside the law and Sommy did their best to warn her about Adelaide. Margot appreciated the advice and offered Sommy a discount if they ever needed her services. They stayed in contact and she is one of the few people Sommy trusts almost absolutely.

Best Friend~

Azariah Iyver. Sommy saved his life after he was attacked by a couple assholes. He lost an eye but probably have lost more if Sommy hadn't stepped in and kicked their asses. After recovering, Azzy realized he had never thanked the person who had saved his life. Using his computer skills and connection to other hackers, he tracked Sommy down. They didn't remember saving him and he didn't bring it up. They talked for a long time online. They told him about Adelaide and he convinced them to do something about her. Azzy is probably the only one who believes Sommy has the capability to change for the better.

Enemies~

Adelaide Creed. Originally Sommy viewed her as a parental figure. She taught them the ins and outs of the criminal business and started to groom them to be the second in command of her empire. After a while though, Sommy realized that she really wasn't as nice as she had originally seemed. They realized she was a monster. Adelaide had made Sommy her project and spent her time gaslighting and manipulating them into what she wanted.

Other~

Needlehands. He's a back alley monster doctor who does as much experimentation on his patients as he does actually fixing them. After his creator died, Needlehands tried to continue his work. He met Sommy when they were bleeding out from, what looked like, a half decapitation. He was amazed how they were still alive and patched them up. After finding out about their abilities, he just wanted to study them further. Needlehands made a deal with Sommy, he'd fix them up and help them out and they would let him look into what actually happened to them in regards to their abilities. After a while, Needlehands began to get really protective over them so now Sommy has a monster dad. He also helps Sommy research Endigo, its effects and a way to counter it.

Lewis “Trace” Harvey. He's a mediocre hacker employed by Adelaide. Sommy started blackmailing him to get him to do things for them. He's a disrespectful, insensitive asshole but Sommy has to put up with him if they want anything techy. However, after they meet Azzy they planned on killing Trace to make sure he didn't spill any info on them. Lucky for him, Void stepped in to watch him which they later regret.

Hydrea “Drea” Vannie. She is obsessed with Sommy, constantly trying to be their girlfriend. Too bad for her, Sommy absolutely despises her. They would love to kill her but Drea’s dad is a high ranking politician and she's also employed by Adelaide. Sommy assumes she was hired just to annoy them as Adelaide has said she finds her “very amusing”.

Johnny Clayborn. He also works for Adelaide and is one of the few people that genuinely scare Sommy. After he first got hired, Sommy was tasked to follow and observe his methods. Turns out he’s a cannibal that eats most of the people he kills and dissolves the rest. His love of zombies and weird, quiet nature really doesn’t help the unbelievably creepy vibe he gives off at all times. Sommy tried to hide the fact that he scared the piss out of them, especially when he kept inviting them for dinner.

Crushes~

none

Past Relationships~ none

Current Relationship~

none

Relationship Status~

single, forever

ღLifeღ

Birth/Infancy~ Sommy's birth parents were about as criminal as you could get. Involved in drug cooking, they were both hailed as geniuses due to their creation of a new drug, named Endigo. Taken as an adult, the side effects could vary from sleep paralysis type hallucinations to seizures. However, children exposed before birth and who have suffered traumatic events can develop brain anomalies leading to strange abilities and for some reason, strange eye color.

Childhood~ Sommy was involved in their parents' drug manufacturing, doing small tasks like packaging and the like as soon as they were able. They saw more than their fair share of shit during that time though they don't remember much. When they were 9, their parents were caught and arrested. Sommy seemed to be headed for an orphanage when they were adopted by a couple, the Bookers. Mrs. Booker was the Sergeant involved in the arrest of Sommy's birth parents. Along with new parents, Sommy now had a sister as well, Ophelia Booker, she was 2 years older than them. The Bookers did their best to take care of Sommy and help them recover. Teenhood~ Sommy was a handful as a teenager. They were rebellious and often lashed out at those around them because they didn't know what else to do. Their parents tried to curb this behavior by signing them up for fighting classes, hoping that they wouldn't have to fight other kids then. In this time Sommy's powers were also developing, though they keep this mostly to themself in fear of being seen as a freak, especially by their new family. They didn't want their irrational fear of being abandoned because of being so terrible to come through. At the age of 16, both Sommy's parents were killed in a home invasion gone wrong. They were out with their sister at the time. They always suspected there was more to it than that though. A lot of evidence just didn't add up. Infuriated by everything getting swept under the rug, Sommy ran away hoping to find out the truth. AdultHood~ After killing the man who was directly responsible for their parents' death, Sommy realized that they couldn't go back home to Ophelia like this. They viewed themself as a horrible person and was at a loss of what to do with their life. They felt like they didn’t deserve their adopted family’s love so they started using the Childs name again. Spiraling down, they started taking jobs as bodyguards for low lives and then that escalated to doing hit jobs. During that time, they made friends with a monster of a back alley doctor nicknamed Needlehands who did just as much experimentation on people as he did actually patching them up. Obviously, Sommy raised him up to be their father figure. They also fell into business with a woman named Adelaide Creed. She ran an empire on the backs of criminals, getting her hands on anything she could use to further her power and wealth. As more of a personal project, she warped Sommy's sense of purpose and self-image and gaslighted them until they couldn't remember the person they used to be. She wanted Sommy to be her successor, especially after finding out about their abilities. Eventually managing to snap out of the bloody haze they had been in for seemingly years, Sommy realized how much of a monster Adelaide really was. They decided they needed to tear her down from the inside. It was around this time that Sommy started to notice vague reports about kids with strange abilities. Realizing there were more people like themself, Sommy started looking for answers, eventually realizing it was their parent’s drug that was causing the anomalies. They took it upon themself to help these kids and keep them out of the government’s, or anyone’s radar. By blackmailing a chemist with reports of him falsifying results causing children's deaths, Sommy managed to get a sort of reverse version of Endigo that nullified abilities for a short while. They still had all their parents research that they had stolen years ago. Sommy killed the chemist after he gave them instructions on how to make the stuff. They then set out to help as many kids as they could because if they weren’t gonna do it who was? They also saw it as fallout from their parents, which fell on them to clean up.

OldHood~ Sommy continues to deal with the anomalies even after they outlive everyone they had known. Due to their healing ability, they can’t really die and just focus on moving forward and doing what they can.